one story a day

Evening Music

2011-10-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

I always play piano during early morning and late evening. Im not really a professional pianist but at least im enjoying it

By the power of Imagination - I say Raise!

2011-10-21T10:16:00.001-07:00

Exhausting day yesterday - didnt managed to upload for yesterday. At least i have the picture

Teenage Books

2011-10-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

Girlish, pinky, sissy, sassy, teen novels - totally not my taste :) But i love books so i just took a photo anyways. The store was quiet and i was kinda hesitating to snap one but heck - i just did

xxx

Damn!

2011-10-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

I always wondered - why the heck everybody has same idea to make a 365 project?! Well i thought it was because someone or something inspirational that makes a small group agreed to do this project....
Reasons?
what i found out, it was the community from flickr.com

Pfft!! i shoulda known xD Kinda disappointed but i think i keep on doing this for myself - even though im not a professional cameraman

xxx

Digging Old Photos

2011-10-18T06:32:00.000-07:00

Well, since its a photo of a day - i hope its ok to upload these old pics. These are only few years ago, where my family just started new family activity; Horse Riding. This is why i always collect junkies because i knew i needed those junks one day

Even though these are old photos, but at least i can start update my blog before i start the 365 project officially on 1st January 2012

xxx

New Purpose

2011-10-18T05:13:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody - I'm back

I was surprised that i have spammers on my dead blog (for a year untouched) Don't get me wrong but i felt that i don't have any purpose to write or update my blog all this time - until i randomly spotted a group of community bloggers that they updates one picture of the day for the entire year. I was totally impressed by them and decided to follow their footsteps starting from now.

Rules are simple - just upload a photo representing today.

And i've decided to use this blog instead of making new one because its kinda wasted if i left what i already had. I am a junk collector too, so its just a shame i threw something once belonged to me away. And i know that my blog is dirty with negative emotions and etc... But i do not ashamed of my past - What is done is done. And my life does suck hahahahaha!!

Between the duration of the previous post and the latest post - i experienced a lot of things. Both bad and good. Fall in love, getting hurted and fall in love again. Make new friends, losing friends, meeting old friends. Success, failing, truths, lies, companions, trust, bonds, sacrifice, understanding, accepting, learning, surprising, eager, ambition, racism, discrimination, personal beliefs, people, etc... Too many to write but i can see that i have stories everyday.

I want to cherish my life from now on - cherished more on my life. Moving forward. Everybody has sux lifes so on my point of view - its useless to tell everybody else about how sux is ur life. Just embrace it and tell everybody about how good your life is. xD I want to be alive and see how was my life going - a diary but not too personal. And im wonder if i should express some of my feelings. And i wonder who will read this

I just finished my diploma and i have free time until next February - will starting my 1st true independence life in Australia and decided to enjoy my life after 3 years for nothing.

xxx
p/s: should i change everything on my blogspot?

Im Finally 19

2010-06-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

I was born in 15th june, saturday
aka
2nd Zul Hijjah 1411

Sadness

2010-06-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

When someone was sad - they became mo0dy all over. Telling others that they were sad and hoping for some pity. Worse, they hurt themselves. And blame for nothing about their pain in their heart. Keep thinking how unlucky they were on their life. But this is life man - We are humans and there is no way we gonna escape from sadness. Problem came, yes but its our job to make it solved. Who else if not us alone? Humans do have feelings - they encounter happiness, anger, confused, sad and many more. To make the world go around - obstacle came to concur the feelings more. Thus, obstacle came from the human itself. Humans are very various.

When someone was sad - they wanted their surrounding to be informed that they are sad. But couldnt they think about their surroundings? The world is vast and you are not the only one who is facing the sadness. You might thought that the people was sitting right in front of you was happy because that person was smiling, laughing and joking around. But the fact, in his heart - he was crying.

Im not sure if the person was smiling when he was sad - he was just showing that he was strong or maybe he didnt want to share his feelings to others. Maybe he didnt has a trustable person? Or he scared if others will left him because he was sad? Or he just wanna being alone? or being lonely.

Opposite to the one whom tell others upon his sadness - im not sure if he just want an attentions from his surroundings or how hard he encounter his sadness. Some people may think that thet person is a weak person. But on my opinion - I dunno.

Humans are very various - depends on that person himself and the situation. The worse part is, friends come to you when you are happy and leave you behind when you are sad. Maybe thats the reason of why the sad person didnt want to say out loud about his sadness. Moreover, will things changes?? I doubt that.

Me, myself was feeling sad right now. This month is my birth month and i saw bad signs around these days. Since i was 16, my birthdays seems to be worse and worse. And im thinking about the worst it can be on 15th. Maybe I should skip 1 whole day classes during that time. Its my day and i dont give a damn to care about anything. I wanna go out and do anything i like. Thus, during that day its the 2nd day of my semester - so i might not gonna lose anything since i absent on the 1st day.

Parents - they never understand a person like me because sometimes i do not understand myself either. Who am i? The question has not answered yet until now...

Finally Its June

2010-05-31T21:54:00.001-07:00

me + my mom + cold war about the vacation, refused = my day

Is My life getting better?

2010-05-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since i update my blog. I dunno why - Usually i update to express my feeling. Most probably when i was too depress or too excited. Hmmmmm~ nowadays nothing much happend, Its another simple life. I wish for something differ and hope can do something outraged =X

Owh yeah!
By the way thats remind me~ On my previous post there was about a spam porn sms. I did reply it to screw off but yet, i found it useless! LOL!! Its because my programmer teacher told a story about a speed reply contest from maxis. By using Looping program - less thank 1 sec can spam multiple sms. Wow!! Coool!! That person used RM 20k total to make such a massive spam and in the end he got RM80k reward!

I wish i can do that =D

Lets Play a Quiz!

2010-05-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

here the questions;-

What part of your body do you wash first in the shower? Find out what it reveals about your personality by clicking on the name of the body part you wash first.

If you choose

HAIR
Those who wash their hair first are the artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important to you. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. You make the best lover as you are most willing to explore and please your partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partner in life will be those who chose chest.

CHEST
Those who wash their chest first are the practical type. You are straightforward and do not beat around the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. You're a good lover and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be those who chose hair.

ARMPIT
Those who wash their armpits first are dependable and hard working. Generally a very popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. You tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. You are the working type with average talent. Your best partner in life will be those who chose shoulders.

FACE
To those who wash their face first money is important and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you but you are not concerned as to what they think. You are a very self-centered person. You're an average lover as you tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who chose other.

SHOULDERS
Those who wash their shoulders first are very responsible. You work hard at everything you attempt. People often think you're stuck up as you tend to spend your time alone. You are very dedicated and make friends for life once others get to know you. Money and power are fairly important to you. You make a faithful lover and tend to be faithful for life. Your best partner in life will be those who chose armpits.

OTHER
Those who wash "other parts" first are very average. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and sell your potential. Deep down, you are a very likeable person with very few faults. However, the key will be to make your strengths stand out and not just hide your weaknesses. You are an average lover. You have great fantasies about different techniques but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best partner in life will be those who chose face.

I choose HAIR!! XDD i like this Quiz because i always thinking of why i always wash my hair 1st and i guess theres must be some reasom behind it. Whats yours?!

Anyways, nothing to update now. The life is being normal =D
I really wish something will be going on around this month ~.~

Credits - http://www.gagirl.com/quiz/quiz.html#person

Its just another normal night

2010-04-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today, i agrued with my mom - again. This is not the 1st time nor last. We agrued more than once in a single day - fighting over nothing. The worse fight between us also occured almost every month. And i dont keep it in heart - because i dont give a Damn.

Today i was thinking - why we always mad to each other? was it my ego - probably. Or just that my mood or her mood that occurs? I dunno. What i know is she is my mother, other said "your mother always right" - so yeah, my mom always right. And i quickly escape from her when things got worse. No point agruing for nothing. My mom always right - Hell Yeah

lol

My mother is always been my Mother - nothing else. Every goodness about a "mom" always reflected to my mom. She is my mother. She gave birth to me. She raise me. She thought me. And so other else that other mom would done. She is just my mom - again nothing else. She is not my friend but my mom. Thats what i had been highlighted. I never shared with my mom about what i always shared with my friends - but actually, im not that sharing enough with my friends. I didnt confess to her about how i felt - either i was happy, sad, angry, discouraged, motivated, aimless, dreams and so on. I also rarely talked about my daily life. I dunno - just dont like it. Not because of her but i also dont talked about myself alot to my other friends.

I realized something very obvious. Each and everytime after our horse riding activities - i keep a distance with her. Im not sure why but in my head i can imagine our "nice" talk about this activities - her complaining. She always complained everything what im done wrong in her eyes but yet she was doing the exact same mistake that ive done. Her reason? "Im Old" or "Im Tired". Yep! shes 48 now and mothers always right - Hell Yeah.

Since i was small - she never accept what i like. Im a gamer, rough girl, hate pink, hate cooking, hate housework and so on. Im not her perfect girl - her only girl is screwed and her dream girl is ruined. How i know? Easy - our housemaid told me a story that My Mom Asked My House Maid To Help Pray For Me To Be More Girlish Mature. What the Fuck? Im so pissed off. She really crossed the line. I am very upset with her

Being a girl doesnt mean to be in love with the pink. My mom always compared me with other "perfect" girls. She always told me about how they walk, how they smiled, how they talked, how they do and so on. She also mention me about how much other Girls talked and shared with their mothers. Me? I simply dont give a damn - why should i share my heart with someone whom doesnt accept me? I do not act cold with my mother - im still laugh with her. Just that i dont share my diary with other else.

I am just being the surface - even my friends dont know what i felt in the deep heart. Even myself also - Im not sure myself sometimes. Most people will accept me as their "best friend forever" but the truth is - i dont think that im their best friends. Seriously, I helped them just a little then they rise me up as BFF. What a life. They never Care to know either im happy or sad when the changes is obvious. I wonder if i got a real friend. Just now, i said that im mo0dy - just a few people entertained me to make me laugh. I was "ROFL" but behind the keyboard - my heart was touched and i was crying with joy because theres a people our there -even tough not that elite standard with money or fame can give me such a hope and promise. I felt a bit valued.

I wanted to cry but my tears wont roll down to my cheeks - Am i too ego to cry or am i used to not be crying?

What are the things that i can see through u

2010-04-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

This really give me a bullshits (i wont use bad word that often >.<") But its really a pain in the ass when u knew that something is not meant for u.

Example;
-Since in the begining, i knew this guy doesnt have a honest friendship with me But i still friend with him
-I lied to him (another guy) and that that guy knew it because he say it out loud that i was lying and yet he shared his deepest secret with me after that without any doubt
-From certain point, I KNEW this guy (a total different person) has a crush on me and I played his feeling very deep

epic FAIL

2010-04-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

Here some junks that i wanna share with u =D
Damn funny!! And i love them!!! Epic Rules!! *Karma is opposite with Epic Fail

As I said "Super Good Luck = Super Bad Luck"

2010-04-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

On 17th April, me and my friend Con jr will be going to Kinokunia KLCC. I went to her house around 11am and she invited me for lunch (maggie tomyam) at her house. So around 12pm we went to KTM public transport.

We went to KLCC, meet with her 2 older bros and we dashed to the book store. I felt like heaven - There were lots of BOOKS! i wish i can there there longer but Con jr.'s big bros invited us to go for some "heavy" teatime lol. So, I bought lots of books that i can grab xD. After hang out with the bros, Con jr and I went for pc fair - searching for Con jr's new DSL camera for her photography class.

Pc Fair was like ant nest. The crowds were mobilizing nonstop. Me and Con jr walk straight from 3rd floor to ground floor - non stop. We looking for the perfect camera for Con jr and my feet became sore. I cant stand walking anymore and we sat on the floor, near the edge. On that point, I saw another world - The world of Foot Wear. Its really fun tough, i saw a lot of things~ From fair skin and hairy foot to fashionable shoes and black painted toenails. Its really gave me lots of inspiration, especially on the stylish high heels. Woot!

Before we preparing to go home, Con jr got a call from her mom - her family will be going to Ampang and Con jr cant go home with me now or else she locked outside. Either she like it or not, Con jr had to stay back with her bros - and i will go home alone.

Well, this is not my 1st time walking alone to go back home... But that time it was around 6pm - most people will be heading home especially from the pc fair. So, with uncertain feeling i took trains toward the PWTC - 3 stations away from KL Central. I missed the 1st train to the PWTC because i was doubting myself - 10 minutes wasted

Then the 2nd train arrived, and i hop on towards PWTC. I did this because I Know that the Train to Shah Alam will be packed with people - and i wan sit for the 30 minutes in the train =X

So the train arrived to the PWTC and i wait for another train to go back to KL Central - wasted another 15 minutes. After that, I simply hop on without knowing which station will the train go. After the train passed the KL Central, My train was suppose to go to Kg Datuk Harun. But this train went to the MID Valley Megamall. I was confused that time and didnt get out from the train until it stopped at another station - Seposen (or something simillar - will edit)

That Station was empty and dark. I was scared - true. And i didnt ask nor go to the counter for further information. Instead I wait for another train on the opposite site - wasted around 20 minutes.

I was alone there - terrified. And my mind overwhelm said "If I wanna go travel alone, Why I am So Scared Now!?"
Well, at LEAST it gave me a courage to wait for the next train. To unease myself, I smsed 2 person - 1 is Con jr and other is another random people. I waiting for their reply but the result was zero. I knew Con jr's handphone was low battery while thar guy's handphone was soaked with water. I experienced the true meaning of loneliness on that night

I was wondering - Why I sms with the person whom cant be in touch now?! I dunno, Hoping for luck i guess....
And the train had arrived. I had to go back to KL central again and switch for the correct train. And i wonder if i should do again to PWTC - will be wasted around 25 minutes again......so No

Wasted another 15 minutes in KL Central....

While I was in KL Central, I was observing people as usual. I saw a group of teenage laughing and chatting around. I am surely missed my teen days - the laugh, the fun, the joke, the friendship....

Train had arrived ~ yippee!! But wait! 5 minutes on train there was a black out. What the HELL!? i was standing in the crowd really long. My foot plams were really sore and my knees shacking. I only hold on grip of the ceiling of the train - which got aircond made me cant feel my hands. I spotted a couple, whom standing not far away from me - the girl was laying on her boyfriend's shoulder. I was also wanted to do what she did, Not because i envy or jealous of her but i just wanted to rely on someone - to rest. I felt weak but i still stand still. My heart felt sorrow but somehow, i got a strength about not to worry too much.

I dunno how i push away the sorrow. I kept my head straight, eyes widen, and ears sharp. I heard someone was playing games in the KTM lol. That made me smiled. When i look down the floor, i saw the guy standing in front of me took of the slipers - Good Idea!! coz my foot felt the same! and i took off my sandals. And i was standing on my bare foot until we reached Shah Alam

On that night, I went to car open the window and enjoyed the Neon Nights - actually i more enjoyed myself on the breeze through the window. I reached home around 9.43pm
Lucky my parents didnt scolded me and i said i was already eaten for dinner. I was not! but i really dont have any mo0d for dinner since i was on the wrong track

And i was late for ZAKUM for my guild >.<"
I missed it 2 times.

I was really down after that and I thought i will be scolded by the guild master - Well 80% almost. Then i got an invitation from my friend and his guild for zakkum run (once our ally from the previous guild) and my spirit was normal again.

the Good Luck of the Day
-free lunch
-bought lots of book
-got the % coupon for the next visit to Kinokunia
-meet a cute guy which is friend of Con jr's big bro
-got sprayed perfume by that guy *3/4 times*
-bought something that i really want from the pc fair

the Bad Luck of the Day
-missed the train once
-lonely
-hop on the wrong train
-time totally wasted
-feet trembling *2 days to recover*
-hungry

Open Minded and "Open Minded"

2010-04-16T05:30:00.000-07:00

Just Now i got spam sms which caused me to write this blog lol.

It said ;
"Fikiran bebas ? Rakaman syok video stim! seronok lyna & kawan. Nak tengok balas Ya. Warning ! Untuk umur 18 keatas & fikiran bebas sahaja - From +0174268548 "

I translate it roughtly;
"Open minded ? syiok recorded video! fun with lyna & friends. Wanna watch reply Yes. Warning ! Only for 18 years above & open minded only - From +0174268548"

This is not the 1st time i received this sms, somehow i replied;
"Fuck off dude"

Lolololol - i wonder why i did reply that? I usually delete this spam after read it. I wonder this spam was from the hacker. I really got nerves 0A0~! I purposely publish the hp number just in case =D

Ok- Lets hear my points;
They use "Open minded" in a wrong terms.

I dunno what the heck are they talking about - if im not mistaken; Are They The Fucking Hell Mimic The Western?? Seriously Dude, Get Ur Ass Alive from the Hell

i was like -What?? Open minded?! I myself can consider as open minded but this is off limit! Even the Western THEMSELF not like this, i hope >.<"

Even if im not a malay or a muslim - i can think the hell out straight about this nonsense. U guys are really cheep and make me pissed when u guys are same religion and race as me.

Our religion are not to be like that - We got our reason of why we are not suppose to do this "project". The 1st logic was - If u gave ur pride to someone, what should u give to ur husband?? U will got nothing to give to him. And guys were like "STFU" with u.

I will write about this article later - Coz im now mapling (bossing soon) xD

I felt SO sorry for freelance bitches and gigolo like u =D
enjoy urself in hell ^^

xxx

Things that i Amazed myself

2010-04-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today, i did my artwork again. A freelance for my blonde girl friend whom i meet in MapleStory.

Whenever i did an artwork - if the artwork is similar with the previous artwork that i done before (eg like drawing pikachu eating apple in the 1st place then draw pikachu again eating pineapple for the 2nd artwork) I usually open the previous file to pick the colours. Very easy and fast - I dont have to open my eyes wide to choose which colour properly with hazerous numbering codes of colours!

That part, when i open my previous art - I was amazed. The 1st thought was "Did i do this?? Its beautiful 0_o" I very rare to praise myself like that, even for my own beauty and posture.

*blank for a sec*

I did drew the previous art with my heart, maybe thats why it look beautiful. I was amazed by my own talent. I usually dont look again at my finished art for some reason >.>" I felt that im still no0b =\ And i got some bitter memory related with this situation....

A Bitter Memory that caused the way who i am now....

Once in my life time

2010-04-13T01:49:00.000-07:00

It was a rainy day, i was barely 8 years old. On that time me and my family were at my mom's mother house(aka granny's house in english). My mother is a kelantanese, therefore we call our granny "Cik". Im not sure why but i think it is because its the culture of the community in that area.

it rained heavily since in the morning. I guess it was a monsoon season. I was siting infront of the front door - bored. That year was 199x, no high tech and the TV was not that popular as we seen now. But lucky enough Cik's house got 1 small TV - provided by my dad. Most of my cousions were just slacking around, playing with the cats and sleeping on the sofa or floor. My Cik's house got dozens of cats - from kitten until very old cat. But its not a big deal for the neighbors because everyone got at least 3 cats in the house. Another culture in that area hahas....

Suddenly my big bro came up and approach me, asking if i wanted to go out. I looked at him blankly because it was still raining, theres nothing much we can do while wet weather. He just said bring an umbrella and a pair slippers then can go out already. I went excited and my bros said do not tell our mom and he also invited our cousions too.

It was already after lunch, just me, my big bro and my tallest cousion decided to go out on that rainy day. Others was lazy and thought it was a brainless idea. They seen no point for getting themselves wet. But i was on that time didnt mind them because i already hate most them ever since. We went out quietly and my adventure had begun....

I dont remember it well, but what i can imagine was the sky is still wet. I remembered we went to paddy fields, very wide and common. I also remembered some bulls and buffalo there, enjoying their meals and some of them "swimming" in the paddy field. I quite remembered that we walking on the hunch of the paddys and some fake man were spotted. The greatest part was, there were no people at all surround us. Just me, my big bro and my tallest cousion. It was like being in a world without adults - just kids for us. We can do anything during that time - we swam in the flood, rolling on the road, get ourself wet, play with the water, and even facing to the sky and made open our mouth wide. It was great since there were no pollutions in that area.

Time to dust up

2010-04-13T01:27:00.000-07:00

Quite a lot happend since the last post until today. 1stly i thought i wanted to use this blog for my arts and such - and it failed lol

Not many people knew my blog because i kept it secretly and hidden. And lately, for a few reason - i need a diary. Not to express myself but to see how was my life going...

I kept a long black note book in my room, i wrote it with invisible ink. When i cried, angry, depress, upset, humiliated, overjoyed, and such will be expressed out in the book. Sometimes i read it out of the blue, i can see my tears marks although the pages was "blank".

Life is sucks - yes its true. But doesnt means that we have to follow this "suckness". Set urself free but dont too much freedom.

I remembered my old childhood dreams after i meet this guy. Another online friend, aged 25 this year and lived in Penang. From my point of view, hes kinda dumb and slow - but yet funny, easy to bully, responsible and strong heart. He told me that he went to Russia, melacca (i dunno if theres another place) and penang to study. From long story to short, i admire him because he went so many places to study.

I was thinking about the whole conversation while i was driving to fetch my bros from night tuition. And somehow, i remembered my past....

what are the causes?

2010-01-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

1st thing, i dunno why i am here. Just weird, im facing my mid term exam on this week. As i guessed, i am doing it.

Usually, everytime i facing exam i will always done something that i nvr ever/rarely done. Eg, im update this blog from out of the blue. Others like i practising piano for 2 hours insted of 1. I playing some no0b games like action man. More or less motivated, read more novels. Listen to a music which is not my liking. And sudden thinking about not to do and summore~

Suddenly im thinking again. About life and living, past and present.

"Is this really me??" that was my question when i doing such a things out of blue.

Awake but lost

i really took my time on my 1st paper just now, my mind was mixing between toughts but i managed to make it straight anyways.

Who am i? apart of myslef knew while other dont

Sometimes i dunno who am i or what i am
Sometimes i do know
Sometimes i dunno where i go or how i do
Sometimes i do know

...

gosh, talking crap
out of blues
whats my motive?

A new series - Happy New Year

2010-01-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

Well frankly, its a new year

Most of us will say "Today is a new day!" or "May my wish on this year will come true!" and "This year is my year!" even "I wish on this year i will be together forever with the one i love" and etc etc...

Every new year ppl will often thought that is a beginning of a new life, new chapter, new self, new reborn and new everything.

Sorry to be criticize, but new year is not a complete new book. Its a new series of the book, continued from what u did or done in ur previous book.

It never end and never begining.
the plot is climbing on the climax, the world is more vast and theres a lots of things u will face start from today-or even on the day u born

on the new year eve, i didnt went out with my bros for the fire works, except with my 10mints-to-13-years-old bro. All this while i lived, nothing had changed much except became worse. Well thats not the point i disagree to join them for fireworks.

The best seat is in the house. and its true

by the moment the sound echoed in the sky, i climbed on top of the roof (as usual).My house is perfectly on top of the hill and the view was awsome. everything is same except the fireworks was launched in every direction-east,west,north and south in this year. And i made my own 2010 wish like others, why not?

i can sense that this year will be a whole lot historical than other years. As i said, my previous year is effecting my year. Last year, my world began to expand. new activities and meeting new friends occured. Altough some bad memories happend, my life gonna be really interesting

sometimes i wonder, should i provoke it?

Im here now thinking, alone in my fav MSU cyber lab writing, designing n playing on the same time LIVE

Blessings are important......(?)

2009-12-22T16:04:00.000-08:00

Well, im pretty sure that each of u heard the phrase "parents blessings can make ur life happy" or something.

Well yeah, its true~ no harm about it and it is very important, especially when u need ur parents bless to marry someone u love.

Here in malaysia (i dunno about other country) when we having Big exam such as UPSR, PMR, SPM, and STPM; our teachers always remind us to ask blessing from our parents. Me myself, was egoist and it was kinda hard to ask my parents bless. But it worked out anyway~

What i was trying to say here, i am a gamer. A female one. Im a girl who loves games, anime, manga, sports and arts. My parents always nagging me for being involve in it. Im sorry, it cant be helped. This is my life. This is my world. This is my hobby. This is my source. They also tried to keep me away and tried to find something that make me regreat for it. And it doesnt worked much.

But BELIEVED me, its a bad move.

Since i was a child until now, i knew my parents well enough. Wanna know my secret?? my Nds is now 2 years old insted of 1. I bought it on my 16th Birthday at 4pm, with my own pocket money. I bought it at Plaza Mas Alam sek 9, Shah Alam. I went there with my motorbike (without licence). I bought its cover and games, which are the total are RM700. I love u boss, for giving discount for me~
Only my 4-years-old-younger brother knew i bought Nds. I already decided to tell my parents after my SPM. And it was a though conversations to expose my Nds in this house.

My another secret was, I AM AN ARTIST. U guys may think that i playing games infront of my laptop, well THINK AGAIN. I had been drawing since 15 years old. I never intence to tell them because i really doupt in my parents. When i was 18, I was already decided to take Diploma in Graphic Design in the 1st place. "JUST DRAWING??" that was their answer for my questions when i was 15. So now my course is Diploma in MultiMedia. They allow me to take that course with unplessure heart.

I always been thinking, with my parents blessings, i can draw under sunshine everyday. I can show my artwork to them everytime i finished it. My head will get patted by my dad, and my mom will not blame me.
But since im the only girl, they wanted me to be a perfect flower like other daughters.

Yeap, damn sad.

They keep scolding me for playing games. They never bought any consoler or games for me. They never buy any tables for me. They keep judging me with other daughters. Their favourite phase was "Girls dont do this kind of things" or "Grow up will u??". My bros wish to have Ps2 were granted by my parents. They were really choose the perfect timing; when my college life started. And they went to the game shop without me, and i was like oh my fc*king god! how could they do this to me?? Me and my bros collect our own money to buy Ps2. AND MY MONEY WAS SPEND WITHOUT ME! AND I AM SOO FC*KED UP!! And again, their phase was "They are a boy" or "They still young"

I mean, CMON!! I ALSO HAVE FEELINGS!

Being hiding from what we love to do is really pain. But i was glad that i never told them. I can imagine that my live will be a disaster. Even my ambitions were never speak out loud. i dont have my parents bless on these. And so they always try to make me look wrong.

Even though, my mom asked other people to pray for me become more "daughter-ish". LIKE HELL LA!! I KNEW U ALWAYS REGREAT UPON ME!!! JUST FACE IT!! I AM ME!!

there is a lots of things happend. being the only girl is struggling. its more like a locked princess up upon the tower. there will be no happy ending.

I am so dissapointed with u guys. Why cant u accept what i am? I am darn fc*king angry when u guys always blame me for everything for not knowing anything. And u guys never approve what i like. And i have 1 simple queation for u, Do u have any idea what i wanted to be?

with the flow or against it

2009-12-07T00:19:00.000-08:00

Do u know about the phrase; "Follow with the flow"? well, i often used that phrase to advice and cheer up my friends around me. And its seems worked and motivated. But me myself, personally said that i against the flow.

Since from the begining, i always fought it. It had been more 12 years. And since from the begining, i knew. I knew that i cant fight it forever. Thinking about it was really scary and hurting.

Everything happend in my live got its own reason. My reason for this; i want to have an adventure, travel around, risk taker, learning, gamble upon experience and so much more. I want to be myself, different and uniqe.

And of course, it broke a few rules in human lives.

I am happy to be strong and tough. I feel so alive live with it. I totally dont give a damn to the comunity. But i really do realise 1 thing, 1 day, i will not have the power to fight and drag by the river flow. The legends of me are no more.

I will turn into the comunity. Becoming the audience, hopeless, weak, trapped and normal. My colors are usualy bright and outstanding become dull and invisible.

Today was the day i turned into a comunity. Today is the day i became weak. Today is the day i not the sun anymore. Today is the day i lost my dreams. Today is the day i lost something precious. And i cried today. Hidden from the eyes of surroundings.

This can never turned back to the way i used to be. I wonder if i can hold the smallest piece of the sun. I am normal and nothing is speacial about me anymore.

Home Sugar House

2009-12-01T02:23:00.000-08:00

Good evening all~
im just back from vacation Bali, Indonesia with my family. my vacation was only for 3 days 2 nights while rest of my family was for a while week.
my clear excused for being home early was because of my semester was still running (this is the 2nd week of my 2nd semester) and my inner excused was we had too much holidays

*ahem* well, this is what happend

i noticed that every time i go somewhere or anywhere i WILL go to the book store. Why? i dunno.. Maybe because since i was little, i love to read fairytales and mangas. Even now, my legs just automaticly walk in the book stores. i just dunno what happend, walk around the shelves and read the title, author and the synopys behind the cover. if i was interested with the books, i buy. The end

To make me 100% buy those books very simple. i just pick any interesting titles, read the plots and lastly, read how the author wrote. the style of english language is very important. i dont like the book which had very simple english and too flappy grammar. its really bored me~

the 2nd shop my legs ever brought me was the gifts or handcraft shops. I am an artist, that can be accepted. In the other hand, i love to buy somethings for someone such as my friends. Usualy when i was in High school, i always gave a sovenior to each of my friends and my classmates. it was a really nice feelings when u buy something nice for someone u care. well, this year, my new life at college, i only have 5 classmates and less than 10 close friends at my college. i bought for them^^

when i was at the departure gate this morning, my family send me to the check-in counter.. my feeling was determinded about 1 thing; i just want to go home. what i wanted to describe here is, there is nothing is such as sweet place as home, the place where u belong. thinking about home is enough to make me happy. altough i thought about something else like games, anime and dinner, i just wanna to go home. i want to layback on my queen-sized bed. and role over on my soft pillow. it is really a pleasent feeling....

2009-11-24T03:45:00.000-08:00

HiHi all!!
This is written LIVE by me at my MSU college (Management and Science University) and uploaded LIVELY in my bedroom! xP

TECHNOLOGY ROX!!!!!

*slurping my ice lemon tea* Its strange when i was at the cafeteria while doing my art work (AKA i dont like to do my stuff in public). But as long as i at the corner, it is ok but awkward >.<

Today is Tuesday, my worst and packed day, from 8am until 6pm. Luckily today is the 1st week of my 2nd week, i guess i can home early =DD

Its raining on this morning, causing me cant ride my motorbike 0A0. However, i wore layered cloths because i can bet that it will be like in Atlantic when u got classes straight from morning to evening =.=

Today, i really wore funky clothes and wonder if i over do it (totally bold colour and stood out in the crowd!)

This is how i look today ~.~

Hmmmm..... talking about fashion i always wear some certain types of style depends on the day or weather.

Example:

my most pleasant outfit. i usually wear like this when the day is bright and sunny or i got 1/2 classes only on that day

i usually wear like this EVERYTIME i ride a bike for my classes. The feelings really good when u unzipped the jacket and the mighty wind blew towards u...

i definately wear like this when i got straight 4/6 hours non-stop classes =.= but makes me feel majestic =x

As u can see (or not) my favorite style is Hiphop and jackets ~.~ I really LOVE these styles because it makes me feel good and cool^^

Btw, while i was enjoying my stuff. Some of my friends noticed about my daily style of stylish (freak geek)....How can i say about this~?

My daily life to college without jacket

My daily life with jacket

*coughforsomereason* Some of my friends told me that i sometimes look like a gangster if we got a little friends reunion or gathering (i got a few girl friends actually ~.~)

Hahas! xP jkjk!! thats all i need to say coz thats all i wan to share~~ (im still at the cafetiria)

I try to keep update if any interesting stories that can be shared*observing ppl*

p/s: I LOST MY KEYCHAIN!!!! 0A0!!!!

keep on track......

2009-11-22T15:18:00.000-08:00

OK!! let me think of something......!!!!! 0A0!!!!
i must think "WHY IS THIS BLOG CREATED FOR THE 1ST PLACE???" omg!!omg!! time is running out! nothing i archived so far!! the blog is dead! *coughlazyisupposecough* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*slap myslef* ouch! deep breath~~ about the art work... hmm... i can cover it =D
but others~ make a journal? o.0?!

i dunno....private selfness privacy (freak geek) *thinking about polls*
who would read some stuff anyways? =x

Sketching with Paint softwere

2009-10-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

LOL!!
I finally can draw with paint!!!
no more papper (50% yes!!!xDD 50% noo!!!T^T)
anyways, pencils are the best of ever! xP

now i can doodles/sketching more and more!! xDD
and also without the need of a piece of small paper and large scanner to do this~
and i hope my photoshop techinque become better (grammar too! =.=!!)

However,
have u ever felt something weird?
what i was trying to say here is; im not good with mouse to draw, then suddenly i can drew...
this thing happend to me when i was playing counter strike; i haven't played for months but after a few rounds, im owning o.0 *cough*

never the less,
im quite greateful
because things can be easier and i can manage my time more properly

xxx

Free-Queen-Tea update needed

2009-09-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

ignore that title if none of u understand \(~ 3~)/

what i need is; as i told u, this site is for doodling or sketching (others in others site bah!)

i duudlez a lot lately, and i cant wait to update here and other sites...
and i need to learn agn, to be a sucessful blogger+student+designer+mapler
hehehe

xxx

emothing duudlez

2009-07-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

another duudlez.... yup!! she was drawn while i was doing for bakat baru komik malaysia on the 5th page. i really love to draw face emotion!! every single line effects the face and every emotion is speechless, understandable and also mystery
why?? no body can read the real feelings... correct??

I decided! i want to make online manga at the end of this july. now im creating plots and character. the ideas were came out loonnnggg ago..after i joined pokedex.deviantart club xDD or maybe my ist love sight to young handsome absol?? lol

http://www.smackjeeves.com/

another duudlez

2009-06-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

This is another doodles! xD it is about me!!! xDDD i usually imagine when drawing. and i also imagine when i was watching another art works! xDD

xxx

A little bit duudlez

2009-06-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

Once i drew, i wonder how to find more pocket money? But actually, it is not really matter... What i Always think about when i was drawing was:

Does my drawing ok?
Does my style has its own characteristic?
Others drawings were much much More pretty than mine T^T
I dont think that my drawing is the best
I didnt perform enough yet
and etc etc.....

Yeah I know..... to be the best is not EASY. no need to remind me....

However, i just want to upload some duudlez (doodles)here. that is how why my blog addressed duudlez because i just want to show some pic that i didnt show in DA (deviantart)

visit mine: ButterLux.DeviantArt.com

xxx

My little Wish for the future

2009-06-20T08:39:00.001-07:00

This is what i was looking for. I really really REALLY NEED this pikachu!! >.<
Why?? BECAUSE I WANT TO BE A POKEMON MASTER!!! harharharahrahr
well, its true (80% truth)
I need it to remind myself about my dream (as a pokemon trainer and other dreamsssssss)
I found it Once, but i had noooooessss money! 0mg!!! now that store didnt have my pikachu anymore.... *sob*
so, i need some help,
if anyone saw this pikachu at any shop, please PLEASE tell me! >.<
i will do what ever it takes as long as i can get pikachu!!

Help

xxx

Need New Host Network??

2009-06-19T03:03:00.000-07:00

While I was surfing in DeviantArt.com (mine! ButterLux.deviantart.com) i Found this girl(born in 1992) and i accidently went to her other page http://miychi.onigiri.nu/index.php

very bright, very orange, very green and very pretty!

i also have my own, pdsworks.roxer.com

but after i visit her page, envy came to me.... it said "you want to make something like this dont u?? so why wont U make something like this?? I think this hosting network is good(probably) and how about ur future??"

But should I??
Should I waste it(roxer)??
should I make a new one??

I was soooo dizzy right now =____________=
Now what??

by da way, i found other network hosting
i hope

http://ai.beautiful-beast.net/
http://cf.reiku.org/
http://miychi.kuuchuu.net/index.php

I really adore+envy her (http://miychi.onigiri.nu/index.php)
i want to make something like hers
i want to make for my arts+fanarts+web design work+anything that related

sigh......
help me

x0x0x0

Preparation for Bakat Baru

2009-06-19T01:55:00.000-07:00

As I entering Bakat Baru Komik Malaysia(Malaysian New Comic Talent) by GempakStarz, well, I jsut want to upload something here =______=
Im not that journalist by I thought i want to make a picture diary here xD
About myself of course! *coughshowingoffsough*

Ahem, Ahem.....

I was having a trouble to upload pictures.... so i choose ImageShack for image hosting... helpful but annoying *sigh*

My Lineart pens.... most of them are pilots and faber Castells
mahal tuh mahal la.... tp ape bleh buat? mmg ske lukis~~ sume pakai duit sendiri...pokai huhuhhu T^T

My Sketch book(for story line+character design+fan arts)
Usually i prefer hard cover. Its easier and very helpful for me

A pic of complete pages~

A pic of uncomplete pages~

Usually I refer back to page one for lineart so that i didnt off track! 0.o!

My cutie pencil case! specialized for only my lineart pens and marker(and white pens)
and HER name is Talgo! xDD
how did she get that name?? (if u familiar with that name)
theres some story behind it
and shes 6 years old!

My model for body movement

My Table just for drawing and photoshopping xP
Quite messy isnt?

My Sony Ericsson Xperia just for anime songs!<3

Its hot lately.....in malaysia
im sweating!

Look at my Cupboard! 0MG!!
Collection of Fake Pokemon Cards!

What did i bought for myself(as birthday present!)

My Detective Conan Collection~ COMPLETE!! (where i can get my inspiration^^)

Other Comic collection

My lovely pokemon manga collection~<3

Most of them are from GempakStarz Company
soo, WISH ME LUCK OK??
x0x0x0x

Happy Earth Day!!

2009-04-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

while I was surfing the net, google.com was celebrates Earth Day and thats reminds me lol
it's not gonna stop me to wish u all; happie Earth Day!!

Earth is Home

This is my frist Blog!

2009-03-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

As you know(or may not know) this is my second personal site; my first is www.pdsworks.roxer.com

I will do my best with my mind, energy, heart, and sweat to make my blog successful.
I create this blog because this is for me; my journal, personal, and portfolio
I will keep this blog aLIVE
lol

xxx