Blessings are important......(?)

Well, im pretty sure that each of u heard the phrase "parents blessings can make ur life happy" or something.

Well yeah, its true~ no harm about it and it is very important, especially when u need ur parents bless to marry someone u love.

Here in malaysia (i dunno about other country) when we having Big exam such as UPSR, PMR, SPM, and STPM; our teachers always remind us to ask blessing from our parents. Me myself, was egoist and it was kinda hard to ask my parents bless. But it worked out anyway~

What i was trying to say here, i am a gamer. A female one. Im a girl who loves games, anime, manga, sports and arts. My parents always nagging me for being involve in it. Im sorry, it cant be helped. This is my life. This is my world. This is my hobby. This is my source. They also tried to keep me away and tried to find something that make me regreat for it. And it doesnt worked much.

But BELIEVED me, its a bad move.

Since i was a child until now, i knew my parents well enough. Wanna know my secret?? my Nds is now 2 years old insted of 1. I bought it on my 16th Birthday at 4pm, with my own pocket money. I bought it at Plaza Mas Alam sek 9, Shah Alam. I went there with my motorbike (without licence). I bought its cover and games, which are the total are RM700. I love u boss, for giving discount for me~
Only my 4-years-old-younger brother knew i bought Nds. I already decided to tell my parents after my SPM. And it was a though conversations to expose my Nds in this house.

My another secret was, I AM AN ARTIST. U guys may think that i playing games infront of my laptop, well THINK AGAIN. I had been drawing since 15 years old. I never intence to tell them because i really doupt in my parents. When i was 18, I was already decided to take Diploma in Graphic Design in the 1st place. "JUST DRAWING??" that was their answer for my questions when i was 15. So now my course is Diploma in MultiMedia. They allow me to take that course with unplessure heart.

I always been thinking, with my parents blessings, i can draw under sunshine everyday. I can show my artwork to them everytime i finished it. My head will get patted by my dad, and my mom will not blame me.
But since im the only girl, they wanted me to be a perfect flower like other daughters.

Yeap, damn sad.

They keep scolding me for playing games. They never bought any consoler or games for me. They never buy any tables for me. They keep judging me with other daughters. Their favourite phase was "Girls dont do this kind of things" or "Grow up will u??". My bros wish to have Ps2 were granted by my parents. They were really choose the perfect timing; when my college life started. And they went to the game shop without me, and i was like oh my fc*king god! how could they do this to me?? Me and my bros collect our own money to buy Ps2. AND MY MONEY WAS SPEND WITHOUT ME! AND I AM SOO FC*KED UP!! And again, their phase was "They are a boy" or "They still young"

I mean, CMON!! I ALSO HAVE FEELINGS!

Being hiding from what we love to do is really pain. But i was glad that i never told them. I can imagine that my live will be a disaster. Even my ambitions were never speak out loud. i dont have my parents bless on these. And so they always try to make me look wrong.

Even though, my mom asked other people to pray for me become more "daughter-ish". LIKE HELL LA!! I KNEW U ALWAYS REGREAT UPON ME!!! JUST FACE IT!! I AM ME!!

there is a lots of things happend. being the only girl is struggling. its more like a locked princess up upon the tower. there will be no happy ending.

I am so dissapointed with u guys. Why cant u accept what i am? I am darn fc*king angry when u guys always blame me for everything for not knowing anything. And u guys never approve what i like. And i have 1 simple queation for u, Do u have any idea what i wanted to be?

with the flow or against it

Do u know about the phrase; "Follow with the flow"? well, i often used that phrase to advice and cheer up my friends around me. And its seems worked and motivated. But me myself, personally said that i against the flow.

Since from the begining, i always fought it. It had been more 12 years. And since from the begining, i knew. I knew that i cant fight it forever. Thinking about it was really scary and hurting.

Everything happend in my live got its own reason. My reason for this; i want to have an adventure, travel around, risk taker, learning, gamble upon experience and so much more. I want to be myself, different and uniqe.

And of course, it broke a few rules in human lives.

I am happy to be strong and tough. I feel so alive live with it. I totally dont give a damn to the comunity. But i really do realise 1 thing, 1 day, i will not have the power to fight and drag by the river flow. The legends of me are no more.

I will turn into the comunity. Becoming the audience, hopeless, weak, trapped and normal. My colors are usualy bright and outstanding become dull and invisible.

Today was the day i turned into a comunity. Today is the day i became weak. Today is the day i not the sun anymore. Today is the day i lost my dreams. Today is the day i lost something precious. And i cried today. Hidden from the eyes of surroundings.

This can never turned back to the way i used to be. I wonder if i can hold the smallest piece of the sun. I am normal and nothing is speacial about me anymore.

Home Sugar House

Good evening all~
im just back from vacation Bali, Indonesia with my family. my vacation was only for 3 days 2 nights while rest of my family was for a while week.
my clear excused for being home early was because of my semester was still running (this is the 2nd week of my 2nd semester) and my inner excused was we had too much holidays

*ahem* well, this is what happend

i noticed that every time i go somewhere or anywhere i WILL go to the book store. Why? i dunno.. Maybe because since i was little, i love to read fairytales and mangas. Even now, my legs just automaticly walk in the book stores. i just dunno what happend, walk around the shelves and read the title, author and the synopys behind the cover. if i was interested with the books, i buy. The end

To make me 100% buy those books very simple. i just pick any interesting titles, read the plots and lastly, read how the author wrote. the style of english language is very important. i dont like the book which had very simple english and too flappy grammar. its really bored me~

the 2nd shop my legs ever brought me was the gifts or handcraft shops. I am an artist, that can be accepted. In the other hand, i love to buy somethings for someone such as my friends. Usualy when i was in High school, i always gave a sovenior to each of my friends and my classmates. it was a really nice feelings when u buy something nice for someone u care. well, this year, my new life at college, i only have 5 classmates and less than 10 close friends at my college. i bought for them^^

when i was at the departure gate this morning, my family send me to the check-in counter.. my feeling was determinded about 1 thing; i just want to go home. what i wanted to describe here is, there is nothing is such as sweet place as home, the place where u belong. thinking about home is enough to make me happy. altough i thought about something else like games, anime and dinner, i just wanna to go home. i want to layback on my queen-sized bed. and role over on my soft pillow. it is really a pleasent feeling....

HiHi all!!
This is written LIVE by me at my MSU college (Management and Science University) and uploaded LIVELY in my bedroom! xP

TECHNOLOGY ROX!!!!!

*slurping my ice lemon tea* Its strange when i was at the cafeteria while doing my art work (AKA i dont like to do my stuff in public). But as long as i at the corner, it is ok but awkward >.<

Today is Tuesday, my worst and packed day, from 8am until 6pm. Luckily today is the 1st week of my 2nd week, i guess i can home early =DD

Its raining on this morning, causing me cant ride my motorbike 0A0. However, i wore layered cloths because i can bet that it will be like in Atlantic when u got classes straight from morning to evening =.=

Today, i really wore funky clothes and wonder if i over do it (totally bold colour and stood out in the crowd!)

This is how i look today ~.~

Hmmmm..... talking about fashion i always wear some certain types of style depends on the day or weather.

Example:


my most pleasant outfit. i usually wear like this when the day is bright and sunny or i got 1/2 classes only on that day


i usually wear like this EVERYTIME i ride a bike for my classes. The feelings really good when u unzipped the jacket and the mighty wind blew towards u...

i definately wear like this when i got straight 4/6 hours non-stop classes =.= but makes me feel majestic =x

As u can see (or not) my favorite style is Hiphop and jackets ~.~ I really LOVE these styles because it makes me feel good and cool^^

Btw, while i was enjoying my stuff. Some of my friends noticed about my daily style of stylish (freak geek)....How can i say about this~?

My daily life to college without jacket

My daily life with jacket

*coughforsomereason* Some of my friends told me that i sometimes look like a gangster if we got a little friends reunion or gathering (i got a few girl friends actually ~.~)

Hahas! xP jkjk!! thats all i need to say coz thats all i wan to share~~ (im still at the cafetiria)

I try to keep update if any interesting stories that can be shared*observing ppl*

p/s: I LOST MY KEYCHAIN!!!! 0A0!!!!

keep on track......

OK!! let me think of something......!!!!! 0A0!!!!
i must think "WHY IS THIS BLOG CREATED FOR THE 1ST PLACE???" omg!!omg!! time is running out! nothing i archived so far!! the blog is dead! *coughlazyisupposecough* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*slap myslef* ouch! deep breath~~ about the art work... hmm... i can cover it =D
but others~ make a journal? o.0?!

i dunno....private selfness privacy (freak geek) *thinking about polls*
who would read some stuff anyways? =x

Sketching with Paint softwere

LOL!!
I finally can draw with paint!!!
no more papper (50% yes!!!xDD 50% noo!!!T^T)
anyways, pencils are the best of ever! xP




now i can doodles/sketching more and more!! xDD
and also without the need of a piece of small paper and large scanner to do this~
and i hope my photoshop techinque become better (grammar too! =.=!!)


However,
have u ever felt something weird?
what i was trying to say here is; im not good with mouse to draw, then suddenly i can drew...
this thing happend to me when i was playing counter strike; i haven't played for months but after a few rounds, im owning o.0 *cough*

never the less,
im quite greateful
because things can be easier and i can manage my time more properly


xxx

Free-Queen-Tea update needed

ignore that title if none of u understand \(~ 3~)/

what i need is; as i told u, this site is for doodling or sketching (others in others site bah!)

i duudlez a lot lately, and i cant wait to update here and other sites...
and i need to learn agn, to be a sucessful blogger+student+designer+mapler
hehehe


xxx

emothing duudlez

another duudlez.... yup!! she was drawn while i was doing for bakat baru komik malaysia on the 5th page. i really love to draw face emotion!! every single line effects the face and every emotion is speechless, understandable and also mystery
why?? no body can read the real feelings... correct??


I decided! i want to make online manga at the end of this july. now im creating plots and character. the ideas were came out loonnnggg ago..after i joined pokedex.deviantart club xDD or maybe my ist love sight to young handsome absol?? lol

http://www.smackjeeves.com/

another duudlez

This is another doodles! xD it is about me!!! xDDD i usually imagine when drawing. and i also imagine when i was watching another art works! xDD


xxx

A little bit duudlez

Once i drew, i wonder how to find more pocket money? But actually, it is not really matter... What i Always think about when i was drawing was:

Does my drawing ok?
Does my style has its own characteristic?
Others drawings were much much More pretty than mine T^T
I dont think that my drawing is the best
I didnt perform enough yet
and etc etc.....

Yeah I know..... to be the best is not EASY. no need to remind me....



However, i just want to upload some duudlez (doodles)here. that is how why my blog addressed duudlez because i just want to show some pic that i didnt show in DA (deviantart)

visit mine: ButterLux.DeviantArt.com

xxx

My little Wish for the future

This is what i was looking for. I really really REALLY NEED this pikachu!! >.<
Why?? BECAUSE I WANT TO BE A POKEMON MASTER!!! harharharahrahr
well, its true (80% truth)
I need it to remind myself about my dream (as a pokemon trainer and other dreamsssssss)
I found it Once, but i had noooooessss money! 0mg!!! now that store didnt have my pikachu anymore.... *sob*
so, i need some help,
if anyone saw this pikachu at any shop, please PLEASE tell me! >.<
i will do what ever it takes as long as i can get pikachu!!

Help


xxx

Need New Host Network??

While I was surfing in DeviantArt.com (mine! ButterLux.deviantart.com) i Found this girl(born in 1992) and i accidently went to her other page http://miychi.onigiri.nu/index.php

very bright, very orange, very green and very pretty!

i also have my own, pdsworks.roxer.com

but after i visit her page, envy came to me.... it said "you want to make something like this dont u?? so why wont U make something like this?? I think this hosting network is good(probably) and how about ur future??"

But should I??
Should I waste it(roxer)??
should I make a new one??

I was soooo dizzy right now =____________=
Now what??

by da way, i found other network hosting
i hope

http://ai.beautiful-beast.net/
http://cf.reiku.org/
http://miychi.kuuchuu.net/index.php

I really adore+envy her (http://miychi.onigiri.nu/index.php)
i want to make something like hers
i want to make for my arts+fanarts+web design work+anything that related

sigh......
help me

x0x0x0

Preparation for Bakat Baru

As I entering Bakat Baru Komik Malaysia(Malaysian New Comic Talent) by GempakStarz, well, I jsut want to upload something here =______=
Im not that journalist by I thought i want to make a picture diary here xD
About myself of course! *coughshowingoffsough*

Ahem, Ahem.....

I was having a trouble to upload pictures.... so i choose ImageShack for image hosting... helpful but annoying *sigh*



My Lineart pens.... most of them are pilots and faber Castells
mahal tuh mahal la.... tp ape bleh buat? mmg ske lukis~~ sume pakai duit sendiri...pokai huhuhhu T^T


My Sketch book(for story line+character design+fan arts)
Usually i prefer hard cover. Its easier and very helpful for me




A pic of complete pages~



A pic of uncomplete pages~



Usually I refer back to page one for lineart so that i didnt off track! 0.o!



My cutie pencil case! specialized for only my lineart pens and marker(and white pens)
and HER name is Talgo! xDD
how did she get that name?? (if u familiar with that name)
theres some story behind it
and shes 6 years old!



My model for body movement



My Table just for drawing and photoshopping xP
Quite messy isnt?



My Sony Ericsson Xperia just for anime songs!<3



Its hot lately.....in malaysia
im sweating!



Look at my Cupboard! 0MG!!
Collection of Fake Pokemon Cards!


What did i bought for myself(as birthday present!)



My Detective Conan Collection~ COMPLETE!! (where i can get my inspiration^^)



Other Comic collection

My lovely pokemon manga collection~<3




Most of them are from GempakStarz Company
soo, WISH ME LUCK OK??
x0x0x0x

Happy Earth Day!!

while I was surfing the net, google.com was celebrates Earth Day and thats reminds me lol
it's not gonna stop me to wish u all; happie Earth Day!!



Earth is Home

This is my frist Blog!

As you know(or may not know) this is my second personal site; my first is www.pdsworks.roxer.com


I will do my best with my mind, energy, heart, and sweat to make my blog successful.
I create this blog because this is for me; my journal, personal, and portfolio
I will keep this blog aLIVE
lol


xxx