Blessings are important......(?)

Well, im pretty sure that each of u heard the phrase "parents blessings can make ur life happy" or something.

Well yeah, its true~ no harm about it and it is very important, especially when u need ur parents bless to marry someone u love.

Here in malaysia (i dunno about other country) when we having Big exam such as UPSR, PMR, SPM, and STPM; our teachers always remind us to ask blessing from our parents. Me myself, was egoist and it was kinda hard to ask my parents bless. But it worked out anyway~

What i was trying to say here, i am a gamer. A female one. Im a girl who loves games, anime, manga, sports and arts. My parents always nagging me for being involve in it. Im sorry, it cant be helped. This is my life. This is my world. This is my hobby. This is my source. They also tried to keep me away and tried to find something that make me regreat for it. And it doesnt worked much.

But BELIEVED me, its a bad move.

Since i was a child until now, i knew my parents well enough. Wanna know my secret?? my Nds is now 2 years old insted of 1. I bought it on my 16th Birthday at 4pm, with my own pocket money. I bought it at Plaza Mas Alam sek 9, Shah Alam. I went there with my motorbike (without licence). I bought its cover and games, which are the total are RM700. I love u boss, for giving discount for me~
Only my 4-years-old-younger brother knew i bought Nds. I already decided to tell my parents after my SPM. And it was a though conversations to expose my Nds in this house.

My another secret was, I AM AN ARTIST. U guys may think that i playing games infront of my laptop, well THINK AGAIN. I had been drawing since 15 years old. I never intence to tell them because i really doupt in my parents. When i was 18, I was already decided to take Diploma in Graphic Design in the 1st place. "JUST DRAWING??" that was their answer for my questions when i was 15. So now my course is Diploma in MultiMedia. They allow me to take that course with unplessure heart.

I always been thinking, with my parents blessings, i can draw under sunshine everyday. I can show my artwork to them everytime i finished it. My head will get patted by my dad, and my mom will not blame me.
But since im the only girl, they wanted me to be a perfect flower like other daughters.

Yeap, damn sad.

They keep scolding me for playing games. They never bought any consoler or games for me. They never buy any tables for me. They keep judging me with other daughters. Their favourite phase was "Girls dont do this kind of things" or "Grow up will u??". My bros wish to have Ps2 were granted by my parents. They were really choose the perfect timing; when my college life started. And they went to the game shop without me, and i was like oh my fc*king god! how could they do this to me?? Me and my bros collect our own money to buy Ps2. AND MY MONEY WAS SPEND WITHOUT ME! AND I AM SOO FC*KED UP!! And again, their phase was "They are a boy" or "They still young"

I mean, CMON!! I ALSO HAVE FEELINGS!

Being hiding from what we love to do is really pain. But i was glad that i never told them. I can imagine that my live will be a disaster. Even my ambitions were never speak out loud. i dont have my parents bless on these. And so they always try to make me look wrong.

Even though, my mom asked other people to pray for me become more "daughter-ish". LIKE HELL LA!! I KNEW U ALWAYS REGREAT UPON ME!!! JUST FACE IT!! I AM ME!!

there is a lots of things happend. being the only girl is struggling. its more like a locked princess up upon the tower. there will be no happy ending.

I am so dissapointed with u guys. Why cant u accept what i am? I am darn fc*king angry when u guys always blame me for everything for not knowing anything. And u guys never approve what i like. And i have 1 simple queation for u, Do u have any idea what i wanted to be?

with the flow or against it

Do u know about the phrase; "Follow with the flow"? well, i often used that phrase to advice and cheer up my friends around me. And its seems worked and motivated. But me myself, personally said that i against the flow.

Since from the begining, i always fought it. It had been more 12 years. And since from the begining, i knew. I knew that i cant fight it forever. Thinking about it was really scary and hurting.

Everything happend in my live got its own reason. My reason for this; i want to have an adventure, travel around, risk taker, learning, gamble upon experience and so much more. I want to be myself, different and uniqe.

And of course, it broke a few rules in human lives.

I am happy to be strong and tough. I feel so alive live with it. I totally dont give a damn to the comunity. But i really do realise 1 thing, 1 day, i will not have the power to fight and drag by the river flow. The legends of me are no more.

I will turn into the comunity. Becoming the audience, hopeless, weak, trapped and normal. My colors are usualy bright and outstanding become dull and invisible.

Today was the day i turned into a comunity. Today is the day i became weak. Today is the day i not the sun anymore. Today is the day i lost my dreams. Today is the day i lost something precious. And i cried today. Hidden from the eyes of surroundings.

This can never turned back to the way i used to be. I wonder if i can hold the smallest piece of the sun. I am normal and nothing is speacial about me anymore.

Home Sugar House

Good evening all~
im just back from vacation Bali, Indonesia with my family. my vacation was only for 3 days 2 nights while rest of my family was for a while week.
my clear excused for being home early was because of my semester was still running (this is the 2nd week of my 2nd semester) and my inner excused was we had too much holidays

*ahem* well, this is what happend

i noticed that every time i go somewhere or anywhere i WILL go to the book store. Why? i dunno.. Maybe because since i was little, i love to read fairytales and mangas. Even now, my legs just automaticly walk in the book stores. i just dunno what happend, walk around the shelves and read the title, author and the synopys behind the cover. if i was interested with the books, i buy. The end

To make me 100% buy those books very simple. i just pick any interesting titles, read the plots and lastly, read how the author wrote. the style of english language is very important. i dont like the book which had very simple english and too flappy grammar. its really bored me~

the 2nd shop my legs ever brought me was the gifts or handcraft shops. I am an artist, that can be accepted. In the other hand, i love to buy somethings for someone such as my friends. Usualy when i was in High school, i always gave a sovenior to each of my friends and my classmates. it was a really nice feelings when u buy something nice for someone u care. well, this year, my new life at college, i only have 5 classmates and less than 10 close friends at my college. i bought for them^^

when i was at the departure gate this morning, my family send me to the check-in counter.. my feeling was determinded about 1 thing; i just want to go home. what i wanted to describe here is, there is nothing is such as sweet place as home, the place where u belong. thinking about home is enough to make me happy. altough i thought about something else like games, anime and dinner, i just wanna to go home. i want to layback on my queen-sized bed. and role over on my soft pillow. it is really a pleasent feeling....